Originally posted: January 03, 2004
How many times have you been to a party and it just sucked? You knew it had potential, but it sure as hell wasn’t happening tonight, and the only reason you haven’t left yet is cause of the free booze? If only there was someone who could swoop in and save this downer for you, your friends, and most importantly, the lamer who’s throwing the thing? Every party should have a superhero.
Enter the Jester and his loyal sidekick, Clark.
In my senior year of college I lived in a house with my two bros and Leo and Freaky. It was an awesome house and perfect for weird parties.
Well, around this time, Todd Bridges, who played Willis Drummond on Different Strokes, was in prison for drugs or gun charges or some kind of mayhem. We decided to throw a “Free Willis” party. We got a keg or two and hung up a bunch of Different Strokes facts all around the house. I think we started the party around noon or so, so things were pretty nasty pretty early.
We also decided to have an itinerary of events for the party – stupid crap – most of which I can’t remember. One part of the itinerary that I do remember, was the aerobics hour. I came out in tight red gym teacher shorts, a headband, and a dirty wife-beater, and led the party in a series of drunken aerobic steps.
It seemed to get a few laughs and impress the girls. Ok, I lied about the impressing the girls part. So, we decided to introduce the next characters…
Jester and Clark, the new party superheros entered the room – Jester, a drunken jester wearing sunglasses 
and cowboy boots and carrying a tray of shots, followed by his loyal sidekick, Clark, a weird fellow in a Shakespeare shirt and cape, purple pants, and racquetball goggles.
It was really me and Freaky, but don’t tell anyone.
Jester and Clark paraded through the party passing out shots to all the good boys and girls as loud superhero-type music blasted from the stereo.
Needless to say, the drunk duo was a hit. In our eyes at least… But see, the secret is, you can wear whatever the hell you want, but if you give out free booze, people will cheer for you.
Throughout the rest of the year at various parties, when midnight struck, the lights would go out, The Star Wars Death March would kick in, and Jester and Clark would descend the stairs with a hefty tray of shooters. It became a running joke where people would inquire if the Jester and Clark would be showing up, and Freaky and I would lie like we had no idea what they were talking about… Then we’d disappear for a moment, and The Jester and Clark would suddenly enter the room. Each time we’d improve the performance a little with the help of our pals – better shots, better timing, and once we recruited Leo to be our stage manager. He dressed up in a vest and headband and was supposed to kinda “keep the crowd in order.” However, at showtime, he ended up sick in the bathroom instead of doing crowd control…
Anyway, we graduated that year and decided to pass down the tradition to some cool younger fellows that we knew. But, our first year out of college, we were requested to come back one more time as mature alumnis and give one last performance.
We decided to go out in style. A grand finale. The last stand of Jester and Clark.
So, some friends were throwing a rocker of a party. Midnight strikes. Lights go out. Music comes on. Jester and Clark appear. As they descend the stairs, it’s apparent that one thing is different. The Jester and Clark are wearing backpacks… What could be in there? Bottles of Booze? Porn? What kind of crazy party tricks do they have in there?
The Jester and Clark reach the end of the stairs, trample through the crowd and climb up onto the coffee table. Standing above the roaring adulation (well, I like to think so), The Jester and Clark open up their backpacks and begin tossing out the contents to the crowd…
…fresh ears of corn…
They toss out about 2 dozen ears of delicious corn to a crowd of confused and utterly disappointed party-goers, wave their final goodbyes, and disappear into history…
And so, the era of Jester and Clark ended exactly as this antecdote does – anticlimatic and unfulfilling….
And our poor friends were stuck with an apartment full of corn shrapnel…
Oh, but my friend, The Jester and Clark live. Whether they are in hibernation or simply passed out somewhere on North Campus…no one can be quite sure.
The story begins — or rather picks back up — circa 1999. A young man goes on what we’ll call a “field trip” with a group of other young men. He is given four articles of clothing that he must wear all day Saturday – a pair of sunglasses, navy blue running tights, a blue and black tunic and a jester cap.
Fast forward a year and we find ourselves at the inaugural Super Happy Christmas Party (a legendary party that is only spoken of by the great sages). At the stroke of midnight, The Jester shows up like old times but this time with his friend Santa Claus. They enter to the merry tune of “Christmas in Hollis” by Run DMC. The crowd, well, they went crazy.
The Jester made appearances at various other events over the next couple years and even showed up with his old sidekick, Clark, once. Clark donned aviator sunglasses, acid-washed jeans and a huge (yet luxurious) fur coat. After handing out libations of all sorts they would quietly fall back into the shadows.
I was often asked about The Jester, seeing as we spoke now and again, but always had to tell people, “Listen, I don’t know what you’re talking about…I only let The Jester know WHERE the party is. If it seems like something that he wants to come to then I’m sure he’ll show up.”
Cheek, this an awesome follow up, and it is fantastic news that the Jester continued on his quest to save the party. I recall now hearing rumors of his return, but had never known the details! What a wonderous tale.
Hmmm, wonder if there’s any chance of the Jester showing up at GDay?